NYC Sues Trump to Spend $5 Billion Per Mile of Track: Enough to Buy Every Passenger Their Own Mercedes

SH**HOLE NEWS: Beloved Security Guard Killed by Madman at NYC Subway Station Mourned at Brooklyn Wake: ‘Wonderful, caring, human being’; Maniac in Fatal NYC Subway Beatdown Drew Pics of Cops, Founding Fathers being Murdered, Interned in Taxpayer-Funded Art Program; Suspect was Arrested 17 Times Before Fatal Subway Beatdown

SH**HOLE NEWS: Don’t Take the Train: The Subway is a Metaphor for the City. and the City is Very Sick; MTA Boss Janno Lieber Brushes Off Subway Crime as ‘in people’s heads’ as Congestion Pricing Kicks in — Despite Recent Rash of Violent Incidents