Sunday, September 25, 2016

To Vote or Not To Vote, and the Damning Case Against Pessimism

Dear Matt Labatts,
I don't want to vote for anybody for president this year, and everybody keeps yelling at me. Well, not everybody. The Hillary people don't seem to care whether or not I vote. It's as if they know they've got it sewn up already. But in case they're wrong, and Orange Julius Caesar really does win, I fear being targeted by his administration for my dissent. Could you use your personal connections with Obergruppenfuhrer Roger Stone to keep me out of the camps? I'll be your friend.
Sean "Jim Treacher" Medlock
Sorry, Sean/Jim. Despite my journalistic past with Mr. Stone, no-can-do on the intervention. I have to save up my favor-seeking capital for Priority One, aka, me. After Donald Trump, Jr., last week, gave his old man a much needed day off from saying embarrassing things in public, he stepped in it after stating that the media lets Hillary and her DNC lackeys skate on all manner of dirty pool and dishonesty. If Republicans did the same, Junior suggested, "they'd be warming up the gas chambers right now." To me, it actually sounded like a capital-punishment joke. But the oversensitive media interpreted it as an inappropriate Holocaust reference. (Which figures, since as my sources in the alt-right movement tell me, you-know-who controls the media. Hint: they rhyme with "shoes.")
Whatever the case, everyone in Trump World is a little sensitive about camp references at the moment. Even broaching the topic might get me sent to one if Mr. Trump is elected. And let's face it, as someone who works in the belly of the #NeverTrump beast, I'm probably headed to one anyway. So I'm trying to at least secure a cushy camp work detail. Perhaps poking Ted Cruz with a cattle prod through the bars of his tiger cage. Or maybe, since this is indeed America's Orange Revolution, I might get to work the airbrush gun at the spray-tannery.
But I'm more interested in the first half of your question, the part where everyone keeps yelling at you for being a principled non-voter. This cycle, I'm a proud member of the same fraternity. And I, too, have been getting jawed at an awful lot by friends, loved ones, and random hecklers. Even in our polarized times, this has been, by any standard, an overheated election. Forget professional agitators/Trump throne-sniffers like Sean Hannity wanting to karate-chop people's heads off who don't fall in line. At dinner tables across America, it's been brother against brother, father against son, or—if my gender-fluidity glossary is to be believed—auncle vs. niecew.
Read the rest from Matt Labash HERE.

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