Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I Worry About The Very Poor

The following started out as a comment in the thread about Mitt Romney's quote about the poor being taken out of context. It got to be so long, however, that I decided to make it a post all its own. Please forgive the stream of consciousness narrative (a la James Joyce).

I think that Romney's quote, while I agree with it essentially, was rather in-artful, and definitely too easy to turn into a negative soundbite.

There are different degrees of concern for the very poor. My worry for the very poor is not so much their financial situation, because as Romney said, there is a safety net in place. My greater concern is more intangible, and I think it is based on the problem that the family unit is severely damaged, especially among the very poor, but not exclusively so.

Allow me to share an experience I had recently. Last Thursday night, while Romney was kicking Gingrich's butt across the debate stage, I was attending a lecture being given by a Harvard business professor, named Clayton Christenson. The title of the lecture was "How Will You Measure Your Life," and it had to do with how the decisions you make today affect the decisions you will make in the future. He told us that two members of his Harvard graduating class ended up in jail. He said that when they were students they were good guys, and they likely didn't become bad guys over night, but they probably made one bad decision, justifying with the "this is an extenuating circumstance. It's okay just this once" thought process. Then subsequent bad decisions were easier and easier to make, until they were doing things that were dishonest and illegal.

When we got home, after putting the girls down to bed (way past their bedtime) I got online to see what had happened at the debate. I was delighted to read that Romney had done so well, so I stayed up very late reading the comments, the analysis and the observations made by pundits and supporters. The result was that I was still up at 12:30 when my dog barked, and alerted me that someone was at my door.

I opened the door, and saw a girl, maybe 20 years old or so. She said that her boyfriend had kicked her out, and she needed to go to Marathon. She mumbled, so it was hard to understand her at first, but when I realized she was asking me to take her to a nearby gas station where she was going to be picked up by her brother-in-law, I agreed to do so. My husband had some trepidation, but I figured I could defend myself from her, if necessary, so off we went.

The whole time we were in the car she didn't say a word to me, but talked constantly to her friend on her cell phone. When we got to the gas station we waited and waited, but her brother-in-law did not arrive. She called him, and as I listened to her conversation, I heard so much low quality conversation it was rather sad. Not only did she speak unkindly to and about her brother-in-law (who had driven from a town at least 45 minutes away to get her), but she also did such a poor job of communicating, it was little wonder that her brother-in-law was having a hard time finding us.

We waited at the gas station for nearly an hour before he finally got there. In that time she barely spoke to me, she called her brother-in-law repeatedly, as well as her friend. When he finally got there, she got out of the car and shut the door, without a "thank you" or even a "good bye." She didn't say anything to me at all.

As I thought about this girl I felt quite sorry for her. I figure she was raised with little in the way of manners, with little in the way of teaching respect. If she ever has children, she doesn't seem to have any idea how to raise them or teach them to be contributing members of society.

The point of this long and meandering story is that there is a real problem that is found in our society, and much of that problem is found among people in great poverty. I would never hire that girl to work for me. She has bad manners, she makes bad decisions, and I wouldn't trust her. I don't see in her future the ability to have anything resembling a successful career. Her problems, from my brief observation, will include financial and social. I worry that she is part of a social downward spiral, and unless someone in her sphere makes some major changes, I think, based on my brief glimpse into her life, that she will have a very difficult time ever getting ahead, even with a strong economy.

Now I do not know what role the government can reasonably play to teach this girl good manners and better decision making skills, but until the "very poor" can improve in those areas, I am very worried about them, in part because of their welfare, but also because it affects our entire society.

10 comments:

BOSMAN said...

Hi Noelle,

Her problem is clear and I understand why she didn't thank you.

She was brought up in an "Entitlement atmosphere. She asked for the ride and EXPECTED you to deliver. Perhaps she was brought up by parent(s) who had that same attitude.

Which brings me to Romney's comment. He's right. The poor have a safety net, and THERE ARE HOLES IN IT. If he finds it broken, he'll fix it.

Perhaps phase one could be, working for any government assistance, even if it is only in the form of community service. Attitudes like that CAN ONLY BE CHANGED, if one looses the concept that I'm entitle to X, Y, or z, because I live and breath.

Terrye said...

I think this is an oversimplification. I have seen many young people who were not at all poor and had no idea how to say Thank You.

I was born and raised in Oklahoma....my mother and her family had to go to California to work the migrant camps during the depression. My dad's people did not lose everything,but they lost enough that they would be afraid of poverty for the rest of their lives.

But they could say thank you and they never ask for anything but a chance to make a living.

Not all the poor are bad mannered..many of them are people who have fallen on hard times..and Romney is right, the poor do have a safety net, just like the elderly do...but his emphasis is on the middle class because these are the people who are to well off to get help from the government but not well off enough to be immune to high unemployment and high gas prices.

Anonymous said...

The 'poor' have cell phones. Cable TV, gameboys. big screen tv's. Food stamps. help with rent and heat.

nkmom said...

Several years ago I was having a conversation with my sister about church friends who go on short-term mission trips and I said to her, "Why are all these people going outside of the country for mission trips when there is so much poverty in our own backyard?" To which she said, "Because the poor in our county have lots of safety nets that others around the world do not." That hit me so hard that I applied for a short-term mission trip that afternoon. I ended up traveling to Nicaragua to help build latrines in a village known only by the last names of the people who lived there. No plumbing, no electricity, the women walked down the mountain for food everyday as without electricity for a fridge they couldn't keep food but had to daily go get just what they need for that day. They made brooms to sell in the markets for money.
I have been bothered all day by what Gov. Romney said, even though I do understand his point, based on my experience in Nicaragua. Based on his virtuous life, I feel certain that it is not an unguarded revelation from his heart. However, I think about how Jesus loves the poor, and I just wish he could have been more diplomatic. The "optics" are terrible given his wealth. Bummer. Hope it blows over and hope it all serves him well for the general election.

Anonymous said...

Noelle,

I read that lecture a while ago, and I'm glad you reminded me of it! I want my children to read it, too. VERY excellent advice. Here's a link for anyone interested:

http://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life/ar/1

I agree that it was not the best choice of words for Mitt today. I hope he fixes it, and I hope it doesn't do too much damage. If he weren't already fighting a headwind on the 1% baloney, maybe this wouldn't matter.

-Martha

Anonymous said...

Mitt uses the 99% - 1% rhetoric too.

Terrye said...

Anon:

What does that mean? Mitt Romney gives 16% of his income to charities...how much do you give?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your post, Noelle. One of the points I try to teach my children is that in order for people's incomes to be more equal, not only the rich will need to change their thought processes. In fact, many of them have a proper mindset. Many poor people need to learn new ways of looking at life and money or they will never be successful. It is true that most of us can improve the way we think and how we handle our money.

People grow up with a certain mindset, and that alone helps determine how successful they will be. I once told one of my neighbors that I am one of nine children. He made some comment about paying for college for so many kids. It is true that college educating so many kids is difficult, but it is not impossible. Of course, I have two handicapped brothers who cannot attend college, but all seven of the rest of us have Bachelor's degrees, and two have M.B.A.'s and one other has a J.D. My parents could not possibly pay for everyone's education, but they helped with tuition, food, and housing when they had to. Most of us older kids were able to pay for most if not all of our college with scholarships and/or working. The younger ones had their tuition paid by our parents but had to work to support themselves otherwise. Part of the reason we had so much success was because we were willing to work hard, and we had parents who encouraged us and helped us out when they could.

I am tired of the condemnation of Mitt because he is rich. That's right--he's rich. He also has worked very hard to get that way, and he is a good example to us all of what can be accomplished. Part of his parents' legacy was that of hard work, and you see him apply that every day on the campaign trail. Say anything about him you want, but I dare you to say he doesn't work hard. Can you imagine him as President. I bet he doesn't golf every ten days like "He who must not be named." LOL!

AZ

Anonymous said...

P.S., My brother with the J.D. joined ROTC and served his four years in the military. He never served in combat, but it isn't because he didn't serve!

AZ

Jaehos said...

That was very kind of you for offering the girl a ride. But also kinda risky. You should have made your husband go. Ideally both of you, but your story said you had young kids at home so i can see why that wouldn't be an option.

You might have been able to overpower this girl, but could say for certain that when her "brother in law" showed up that they weren't intending something more sinister?

protect yourself...the world if full of crazies.