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| YAN KRUKAU / PEXELS |
As couples increasingly question IVF ethics, they are seeking better options. Here are 14 to consider.
In Trump’s State of the Union address, he noted his drug cost reduction efforts could help a woman facing the heartbreak of infertility and undergoing in vitro fertilization (IVF). Trump is right to care about couples facing infertility, but wrong to support IVF.Infertility is one of the hardest sufferings couples face. IVF doesn’t actually solve the problem; it frequently results in embryo destruction, as Allie Beth Stuckey pointed out in her podcast response.
“More embryos, unborn lives, are killed in the IVF industry than in the abortion industry every year,” she observed.
If that’s true, and conservative women who face infertility, like myself, deeply long for motherhood, what other options are there? Let’s put everything else on the table to really understand any other ethical ways to pursue the goal of parenthood.
All of these options are difficult, but truly, parenthood of biological children is difficult also. Various sufferings befall our lives, and we exist in a mix of surrender and choice. Yet couples still have choices, and still can have the opportunity to craft a meaningful life — pursuing biological, adoptive, or spiritual parenthood without IVF. These options are not mutually exclusive and many can be pursued simultaneously.
Acceptance and Recognition of Spiritual Parenthood
There’s a reason this is listed first. It’s so frequently seen as a last resort, but really has to be part of the discernment process before anything else can be pursued. It can also help during the difficult seasons of waiting for parenthood. Furthermore, it can serve as an example in the community to all adults — parents and not — to pour into the children around them.
More Spiritual Parenthood
Every married couple is already a family. Having a child isn’t “starting a family,” which began when you took your vows. For couples who are not conceiving, accepting “childlessness” is an option. But these couples often find their lives filled with other people’s children, who become their spiritual children. Their friends’ children often factor into this.
Some choose to become teachers or mentors to vulnerable kids. Some become CASAs (Court Appointed Special Advocates) to represent the interests of children in the foster care system. Others go on mission trips that mother and father the world. Though there’s a temptation to think of spiritual parenthood as a consolation prize, it’s actually a sign and signal of the Kingdom of Heaven, where natural marriage and family will be replaced by the even-more-real reality of spiritual family.
Wraparound Foster Families
Promise686, America’s Kids Belong, and Project127 are involved in recruiting churches and communities to better support foster families with wrap-around care, meeting practical needs like meals, groceries, babysitting, and more. Because up to half of foster families quit within the first year, families need more support from the community. Couples without their own biological or adoptive children can be a “village” to these families in a way that parents with their own kids might find more challenging.
Relationships with Nieces and Nephews
Some couples find that being aunt and uncle is a fulfilling role. With time to invest in their nieces and nephews that they may not have if they had their own children, these relationships become especially precious. Plus, children thrive when they have trusted adults other than their parents.
Having Godchildren
In liturgical communities, this practice is seen accompanied by solemn vows and commitments to help with a child’s spiritual development. In communities where infant baptism is no longer the norm, the concept of godchildren has fallen out of favor. Yet Lisa Bevere’s book Godmothers explains that having older women mentor younger ones is a concept everyone, regardless of denomination, needs to embrace.
Options Pursuing Pregnancy
It’s a beautiful desire to want to have biological children and there is nothing wrong with pursuing a restoration of that ability if it’s in the realm of possibility.
Restorative Reproductive Medicine
Restorative Reproductive Medicine is the umbrella term used for treatment of infertility in a way that seeks to restore the original function of the organs to allow for natural conception, rather than bypassing it. (A good paper about Restorative Reproductive Medicine is now available from the Charlotte Lozier Institute here.)
Even after everything has been pursued, however, not all couples are able to conceive. Maybe there was a medically necessary hysterectomy. Maybe there is a genetic condition where the sperm count remains too low for conception. In a very small minority of cases, infertility remains unexplained. For various reasons, biological parenthood can’t happen for everyone. But there are other alternatives.
Home Insemination, Lab IUI, Lab GIFT --->READ MORE HERE
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